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Christmas meme
 fayanora
 
01:59am 19/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
The first three times I tried this one today, I was *nice*. Couldn't have that!

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last week I helped [info]ladyanara hide a body (-173 points). In February I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). In March I stole [info]andispandex's purse (-30 points). Last Tuesday I pulled [info]misslynx's hair (-5 points). In January I gave [info]haapetiya a Dutch Oven (-10 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-294 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking!

Sincerely,
Fayanora

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:
mood: amused amused
 
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Aspies and self-reflection
 fayanora
 
05:33pm 17/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
This article
is interesting
, and I believe its research is valid, but I
disagree with the interpretation of the results. It basically says
that the part of the brains of people on the autism spectrum that
process information when thinking about oneself fire just the same
amount as the part that thinks about other people. This is different
from "normal" (neurotypical) people, whose brains have give more space
to processing data about other people.

Their interpretation of this data was that people on the autistic
spectrum have a less developed sense of self. *Sigh* That's pretty
much exactly the opposite of what they believed before this new data
came in. But from other studies I've read about, observations of
myself, and observations of other people (neurotypical and otherwise),
I think there's another option they've failed to consider. I think it
means that auties/aspies have more self-reflection capabilities than
neurotypical people do. It gets better: I also believe, from other
studies I've read about, that auties/aspies get more data from other
people than neurotypical people do. They go on and on about aspies not
being able to discern body language, but I think what's really going
on is that we get too much body language information, and can't
tell what information is important to social situations and what
isn't. Taking myself as an example, as long as I can remember I have
had the ability to read people like a book, getting an accurate
picture of their personality from just a few seconds to a few minutes
of observation. I think part of it is because I can tell when people
are lying, either to themselves or to others. Where I think I had
problems growing up is in other people's reactions to my having this
information. It makes many people uncomfortable to know that anyone
can know them so well, and so people who count on their facade being
impenetrable (bullies, for example) will react to that discomfiting
idea. It didn't help that I've always been very androgynous even in my
behavior.
Another problem is that, when I was a young child, I couldn't tell the
difference between a lie told to others and a lie told to oneself, so
often I was able to see things about people that they were denying to
themselves, wouldn't let themselves recognize, let alone anyone else.
And I had no compunction, in my early years, from telling them what I
could sense of them.
One last thing in that vein: I was also uncomfortable with other
people's discomfort. I've always been able to feel other people's
emotions. In fact, the last few years I've pushed my own emotions back
so far that I can feel other people's emotions more clearly than I can
feel my own. And as a child, I didn't know how to ignore flood of
emotive information, so I retreated inside and lived in a fantasy
world for most of my childhood. Lately I've been thinking that
autistics probably have it even worse than aspies, and are so unable
to cope with the overwhelming flood of information that they have to
shut off the whole world to survive it. It reminds me of the TV show
Charmed, the episode where Prue is given the empathic gift, but she's
not prepared for it, so it's driving her insane.

I was also thinking on the way here that being an aspie or autie in
this society is kind of like being one of the few people who can see
color in a society full of color-blind people. How do you talk about
colors with people who can't see them? How can you even conceptualize
colors to yourself when no one around you talks about them? Hell, if
you were born color-seeing in such a world, how would you even realize
that you were different from others when no one talks about colors?
Imagine color-blind people wearing horrible color combonations (bright
red with neon blue polka dots or some such, something that looks like
it's moving when you see it), and you're getting overwhelmed by the
sickening color combonations, but no one can figure out what's wrong
with you because they have no concept of "color" beyond black, white,
and grey. Lacking any concept of what you're going through, they
project their own interpretation onto you. Some say you can only see
blacks and greys but not whites, others say you can only see whites
and greys but not black, or only white and black but not greys, when
the answer is "none of the above."

I believe this to be the true interpretation because I'm an aspie and
I'm empathic. So is Lilla. Even her ex-boyfriend Jordan, who had an
extreme case of Asperger's, could feel other people's emotions (even
when he couldn't figure out their reasons). I believe people on the
autism spectrum are, thus, a mutation. We're evolving as a species,
and I think one day most people will be aspies or high-functioning
autistics. But even if that hope isn't true, I *do* believe
autism/asperger's is a mutation, a surplus of ability rather than a
lack. And being too good at something can become as maladaptive in
some societies as being disabled. In a society of the blind, the one
eyed people can make others uncomfortable. People try to feel better
about their discomfort by calling it a disability; they may not be
able to admit to themselves that the prospect of it being an
improvement scares them.

Thoughts?

EDITED TO ADD: I hear neurotypical people going on and on about how aspies only see the world in terms of black and white supposedly, but I've seen far more black-and-white thinking among neurotypical people than I have among aspies. Everyone's guilty of it on at least a few things, but neurotypical people are far more guilty of it than aspies, in my experience. I think because having so much brain power devoted to self-reflection lets us get a clearer picture of our thoughts, and leans us in that direction more than NTs.
 
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$10 LJ coupon
 fayanora
 
03:45pm 16/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
Courtesy of [info]drjon:

This just popped up:
$10 coupon for your friends!
http://community.livejournal.com/paidmembers/23977.html
If you have a Paid or Permanent account, you can now send 10 of your non-Paid friends a $10 coupon. Your friend will be able to purchase a Paid Account for $9.95 (instead of $19.95) for one year by enrolling in our automatic payment plan or make a manual payment of $15 (instead of $25).
All Paid and Permanent accounts can send out the coupons by clicking here (it's also under Friends -> Holiday promotion in the site header)
You can also send to people not on your Friends list by manually entering the username in the field provided
If your friend declines the invitation, it will be returned to your available invitation pool and you'll be able to send to someone else
You can send the invitations until January 15th
As I have a Paid account, if you don't, and you'd like one of these coupons, please leave a comment in this post.

EDIT: Gave one to [info]consortofvenus, one to [info]seraphicideals, and one to [info]yardpepper. Have 7 left.
mood: impressed impressed
 
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Heroes
 fayanora
 
10:36pm 15/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
Watching Heroes, season 3. This one scene amuses me, Comment contains spoilers )
mood: amused amused
 
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I love you because....
 beautox_solvent
 
11:07pm 14/12/2009
 
 
beautox_solvent
you always smell good.

you look like a mogwai when you smile, and when I was a kid I always wanted one.

you get mad when other people get passive.

you are a couple inches taller than me.

you have special moles.

you shelled out a hundred bucks for my birthday and cooked for me, even after I asked you not to.

your hair is thick, curly and dark.

you kiss me like you don't want to kiss anyone else.

you like to watch kids' movies with me now and again.

you can see the dark side of life, as well as the light and you don't shy away from either.

you held me that night I couldn't stop crying.

you made me work for you.

you think I look like a kitty.

you notice when I'm sad as well as happy.

you called me to let me know you got home alright.

you read my stories even if you don't like horror.

you let me read to you.

you make me wish I had known you when I was little.

your hair always smells clean and wonderful.

you have put up with my insanity for over a year, and you still love me.

you are the one, and I don't ever want to be with anyone but you.
 
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Not stuck anymore
 fayanora
 
06:35pm 14/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
Well, I'm not stuck on that one story anymore. I asked my question in
[info]little_details and got an
answer I liked: an account of seeing a documentary about WWII in
which, among other things, a soldier got shot in the back and walked
for several miles to a safehouse before realizing he'd been shot - it
went right through him without hitting anything vital, and came out
the other side.

Posting from email because I'm on my laptop at the library, and it's
not loading the LJ posting page correctly, and does the same thing
with the dreamwidth entry page. Also, iJournal wasn't loading. So, I'm
left with this. I'll tag it later.

In other news, a pain in my shoulder that I thought was mysterious is
probably a bruise. It was so icy the other day coming home from [info]kengr's apartment that I fell down
once, and almost fell down about a dozen times. So I think the pain is
a bruise from that, even though I remember falling on the other
shoulder, not that one. Odd.
 
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Awesome thought!
 fayanora
 
11:38pm 13/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
I just had an awesome thought! Let me tell you it!

Okay, so in my Mindeodean universe I have this one planet that will be put in focus eventually, called Dradzok. It's a desert planet, kinda. I haven't figured out all the details yet, but so far the people of Dradzok mainly live on the ocean coasts because farther inland the place is a desolate wasteland. Though some mining operations exist in underground cities farther inland.

Anyway, until today I'd had salt, jewels, metals, and glass be their main exports. But I was talking online with a friend about clean power sources, and mentioned that the people of that universe have super-efficient and super-cheap solar power. Then I had the brainstorm: I decided Dradzok's cities could be powered almost entirely by grids of solar collectors. It rarely rains there, so why not?

Well, it seemed like more of a eureka moment when I had it a few minutes ago.
 
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Writing
 fayanora
 
04:28pm 13/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
I want to write. I have the next scene of the story in my mind, and it wants to be written. But it's too cold to go outside! I wanted to go to FredMeyer's to write, but last night was so icy on the way home that I fell once and almost fell about a dozen times, even with being careful. I have no desire to go out in that cold. But the whole reason I started going to FredMeyer's to write was because there's nowhere in the apartment to do so. I could write at my PC, but it kinda hurts my hands to do so, and the Net beckons so loudly, that's why I wanted a laptop to begin with, so I could go somewhere without net access to write. There is nowhere else in the apartment for me to write comfortably.

I tried writing at [info]kengr's place yesterday, and there was too much going on, the TV being on and so forth. *Sigh* Maybe I'll try for writing uncomfortably.

EDIT: So I'm fairly comfortable now on this recliner, the laptop on my lap. But now I'm stuck in the story because possible spoilers. ) Ideas?
 
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State of the Fay
 fayanora
 
08:22pm 11/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
(Taken from a friend on LJ.)

You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think, “Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when?” And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-word answers seldom help anyone out.

NAME: Tristan A. Arts, AKA Fayanora

AGE: 27

LOCATION: Portland, OR since 08/01/2007

OCCUPATION: Unemployed, looking half-heartedly since 9/08.

PARTNER: Don't really have one. Not particularly looking. My capacity to feel romantic love is currently AWOL.

KIDS: None. Couldn't afford any, anyway.

SIBLINGS: One younger sister, gonna be 18 tomorrow. And an older half-sister I didn't grow up with. No idea how old she is.

PARENTS: Mom and Dad, still alive, still together.

PETS: None.

LIST THE 3-5 BIGGEST THINGS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE:

1. Have to find a new place to live by February.

2. Pretty much given up on looking for a job. Trying to dig myself out of depression enough to apply for disability (Asperger's plus chronic depression) and get low-income housing.

3. That's pretty much it.
 
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Depression quiz
 fayanora
 
11:32pm 10/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
DisorderYour Score
Major Depression:Very High
Dysthymia:Extremely High
Bipolar Disorder:Slight
Cyclothymia:High-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder:High
Postpartum Depression:N/A
Take the Depression Test


I disagree with the cyclothymia one, I don't think I have that at all.
mood: cold cold
tags: meme, quiz
 
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My life, rated
 fayanora
 
03:44pm 10/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life:
4.4
Mind:
4.7
Body:
5.2
Spirit:
5.8
Friends/Family:
3
Love:
2.9
Finance:
3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
tags: meme
 
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warning label meme
 fayanora
 
08:52pm 09/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
If I came with a warning label, what would it be?
tags: meme
 
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New Aerin
 fayanora
 
04:52pm 08/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
So I just finished "Hunter and Prey," my second story in the Mindeodean universe. If anyone wants to beta read it for me (point out errors and stuff as well), let me know in an email and I will send you a copy (my email address is fayanora @ gmail . com , without the spaces).

I'm also beginning work on the next story, "A Wee Bit Off." It takes place on New Aerin, a planet colonized almost entirely by Irish people. I think I can do the dialogue without being cliched, but if anyone has any hints for writing an Irish accent (or writing Irish characters in general), I'd be glad to hear them.
mood: accomplished accomplished
 
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End Of Year Meme
 fayanora
 
10:52pm 07/12/2009
 
 
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!
From [info]bart_calendar, ironically enough. :-)

You know the deal. Post the first sentence or paragraph from your first blog entry of every month. (I'm adding links to mine, but you don't have to. Also just gonna do public entries.)

January: Yesterday was Setting Orange, day 73 of the season of Aftermath, Year of Our Lady of Discord (YOLD) 3174. (AKA Wednesday, December 31st, 2008).

February: Apparently 3 mg of melatonin is not sufficient for me.

March: Have you seen those scenes in Buffy The Vampire Slayer when Spike goes out in the sun by covering himself with a blanket?

April: So I recently tried out this operating system based on Linux that one installs inside of Windows, which is called Xandros Presto.

May:
  • 17:01 @beautifulpyre Today's swine flu comes from pigs from the 1930's. Pork and bacon, etc., are safe to eat. #
  • (Click here for the entry link)

    June: Well, I finally went and did it, started an account with US Bank, which as I said is nearby enough to walk or bike to, where my current bank (Key Bank) is a bus ride away.

    July: Watching the episode of ST:TNG in which Data creates his child, Laal.

    August: 03:16:14: @paper_hand Translate that please? (Click here for the entry link.)

    September: I'm watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, the episode where Worf got paralyzed and they regrew his spinal cord.

    October: What brought you here, and what's something you would like to know about me?

    November: Took the day off from group therapy today to go to this charity place to get some free clothes.

    December: Since my sleep schedule has been crazy lately, last night I took a couple melatonin at 7 PM.

    Why is it I mostly post mostly boring stuff on the first of the month?
    mood: amused amused
     
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